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Loons Finish Season Strong With 8-1 Win
It was a bitter sweet victory as the Loons took the ice for the last time this season. "We just had fun out there", sniffled #35, Michael Alter. Putting points on the board were Sattler, Bibro, a power shot from Matt Heidenwirth, and team spokesman, Jeffrey Arnold Schultz, awarded #5, St.Clair (5'5") the game puck for his first career "5 Goal" game. St.Clair credits the team for great assists and screens. HECK-OF-A FIRST SEASON, LOONS!!!
photo courtesy of S.Sattler
Goodrich announces departure from the Loons and Minnesota Hockey
Star defenseman, pastor, and great friend, Jeffrey Leonard Goodrich announced his relocation to the East in service to a new congregation. Word has it that teams have already been scoping this power defenseman and making offers. Will it be the NY Rangers or the Boston Bruins that snag Goodrich? Time will tell, but one thing is for certain - Jeff will surely be missed by the Fighting Loons. Retirement ceremony for Jersey #4 to be announced.
Fighting Loons budget for Team Chaplain position
All of the sudden, this franchise announced a need for a team chaplain. Though it may be a bit out of the ordinary, the board appears optimistic of the possibilities of this decision. The posting was very specific: Must have pastoral experience, defensive experience, glasses, red hair, and a "play off beard."
Wildcats Seek Loons Fan Support Base
With the 2008/2009 AHA D-2 season winding down, the Minnesota Wildcats have asked the Loons for the support of the extensive Loons Nation fan base. The Loons have among the most staunchest fans in the AHA and are a valuable resource and which team leadership has in the past considered offering. For a price. "The fact is, the Loons Nation is among the most extensive AHA fan bases out there. Why not make a little money at it? I mean, I know Chase would object because he wants to redistribute the wealth to the workers of the world or something like that. But that's another story" (see following story: "Hanson: The Closet Communist") offered Loons A. Cap. Mike St. Clair. In any case, the Wildcats have offered "a not insignificant sum" for the Loons to divert their fan support base as the Wildcats make their 2009 AHA playoff run.
Hanson, Lenin Believed to Be Related
DNA Evidence Being Analyzed
After clear photographic evidence, including "radical behavior by outside agitators" the Loons Central Planning Committee Party Apparatchiks have decided to submit DNA evidence to put to rest, once and for all, rumors that Chase Hanson is in fact related to Vladimir Ilyich Lenin (Russian: Влади́мир Ильи́ч Ле́нин; 22 April 1870 - 21 January 1924).
Hanson/Lenin: Separated At Birth? Or Grandchild Of Lenin?
Picture of Hanson called a "young Lenin"
"A few complaints were leveled by other D-2 teams in the AHA that we had a communist on our team. We of course think it's ridiculous" offered Loons Captain Mike St. Clair. "The idea that a commie could be in our midst - LUDACRIS!" offered Capt. Joe Keebler, though the writer is unsure if Joe was talking about the rap band or not. When asked for comment, Hanson offered only that "the proletariat will rise up and defeat the hegemonistic forces of captalism...war is inevitable, as the lower classes struggle to wrest themselves from the grip of the exploitation by the petit bourgeoisie" or something like that.
What does power defenseman, Joe Keebler, do off the ice?
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