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8-10-09

 

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”
Lewis B. Smedes

 

 

The Bag

 

A group of top executives at a large corporation in Texas were not working effectively together.  There was infighting and back-biting and turf wars filled with ego and manipulation that left company morale devastated and productivity waning.  These senior leaders often undermined each other to the point that the atmosphere at the company had become almost toxic. 

 

Not surprisingly, a new CEO was brought in with orders to clean up the mess.  It did not take long for the new chief executive to hire a seasoned business coach to teach his senior team how to work better with each other.  The CEO’s directive to his dysfunctional leaders was blunt, “Participate fully and willingly in the training or find a new job.”

 

The executives walked into their first meeting with their new coach to find the tables arranged in a horseshoe around a large, dark green plastic can with a lid firmly in place – the kind you would use for trash or leaves.  The leaders took their seats and after some initial introductions the coach asked each of them to spread out around the room.  After they had scattered, the coach asked each to write out a list of any injustice that had been done to them; any issue that had nagged at them as unfair; the names of every person who they felt had wronged them in any way.  The coach was very emphatic in urging the executives to make a complete list – leave nothing out, no matter how big or small the issue.  Almost all the executives compiled a very long list.

 

The coach then distributed one clear plastic garbage bag to each of the executives.  With puzzled stares coming from all his participants, the coach walked into the center of the room and removed the lid from the large plastic can.  Inside were clean but unpeeled potatoes. 

 

The coach then instructed the executives to take one potato for each name or situation on their list and to write on the potato the specific offender or injustice.  They were then to place it in their clear plastic bag.  The executives soon finished with most of the bags being very full and heavy. 

 

Then, the coach directed that the executives carry their bag of potatoes with them everywhere they went for the next two weeks – to meetings, in their car, at their desk, around the house, next to their bed at night, absolutely everywhere – no exceptions.  The coach said that there were valuable lessons to be taught in this exercise; ones that would become apparent quickly.  For two weeks, wherever each executive went, his or her plastic bag of potatoes had to go with them. 

 

At first, the executives thought it was funny lugging around a large bag of potatoes but soon the laughter subsided as hassle and embarrassment set in.  Everyone noticed these senior leaders hauling around clear bags of spoiling spuds – it was impossible not to gawk.  Day after day, the bags became more of an impediment to their jobs and their lives.  The hot, humid Texas sun beating down on the bags as they went back and forth to work added another element of unpleasantness as it did not take long for the potatoes to transform into a smelly, slimy mess.

 

Two weeks later, the group reconvened with their coach.  He explained that the demise of the potatoes represented how quickly such dead-weight in our lives becomes toxic and ugly and how fatiguing it is to carry with us the pain and negativity of things in the past.  The coach told them how forgiveness was probably not something they associated with leadership but that when we carry around yesterday’s gripes we limit what we can accomplish today.  He added that they may have seen forgiveness as a gesture they extended to someone else but that its true value was much deeper. 

 

In reality, forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves … a freedom to discard that which is no longer healthy or positive in our life.  At the coach’s urging, each leader stepped forward and dropped their bag of rotten potatoes into the large trash receptacle; walking away lighter in their burden and with a new appreciation for the power of letting go.

 

 

LESSONS FOR US AS LEADERS:

 

How many of us are carrying around a rotten sack of potatoes full of past injustices, inequities, wrongs, offenses and insults that were perpetrated on us either innocently or maliciously?  How heavy and how toxic has that become?

 

Leaders are champions of the future, not archivists of the past.  They accept that bad things happen to good people; that life is not fair; that we are too often the recipient of acts or actions we do not deserve but that none of this is an excuse to fail.  Leaders don’t ignore negative realities; they deal with them and move on.  They understand that to stay mired in the past is to jeopardize the future; that they must avoid the paralysis that comes with thinking or acting like a victim in the face of adversity.  Leaders know others are counting on their strength and vision and watching how they react to unfair situations.

 

The capacity to forgive is a rare quality that few leaders ever master but that offers enormous strength, wisdom and transformative power.  When extended to someone, it is the foundation of a second chance, the fuel for a comeback, the spark to any recovery.  It can and has changed the world as many of our greatest leaders were the benefactor of a second chance.  But its real impact is in what it does for us – personally.  True forgiveness is not forgetting an injustice or pretending something didn’t happen; it is not apathy or sympathy.  It is a choice we make – a choice that we have better uses for our energy, talent and life than carrying around the dead-weight of yesterday’s pain.  Forgiveness is choosing to serve a greater good in our life and in the lives of others.  When we do that, tremendous things can happen.  I know because today is August 10^th.

 

On this date eleven years ago, my pregnant wife, Cynthia, died as she drove home from work when a man high on drugs and out to sell his poison ran a stop sign at high speed.  There are not words to describe that tragedy but worse still would have been to allow that nightmare to consume my life, my son’s life and those around us.  I made a conscious choice to acknowledge my grief, anger and fear but then walk away from it and focus instead on serving a greater good.

 

I have shared “Conquering Adversity” at conferences, retreats, training forums and special events across the country for literally thousands of people.  At every venue, I am asked how it is that I can step on stage and deliver such a life-changing message when the roots of the story touch such tragic nerves.  The answer is simple – I begin every “Conquering Adversity” presentation believing that at least one person in that room needs to hear my message about the hero inside each of us and that if they were the only person in the room I would come and share what I have learned about moving through change, challenge or crisis with them.  I believe that my message makes a difference in people’s lives.  Sharing “Conquering Adversity” is how I practice forgiveness; it is how I keep from picking up anger, grief and fear that are persistent hitchhikers on any journey through tragedy. 

 

Forgiveness reminds us to set down the bag of potatoes we all carry, the bag filled with the people and times that have wounded our mind, heart or soul; set the bag down and walk away from yesterday’s toxins and free yourself to excel today.  Count blessings, not tears – life is full of both.

 

 

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Christopher Novak is an author, international speaker and leadership coach whose signature book and keynote, Conquering Adversity, has inspired tens of thousands of people.  To learn more about his speaking services or to sign-up to receive more inspirational emails (if you were lucky enough to have someone forward this to you), visit his website, www.ConqueringAdversity-speaker.com.

 

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Christopher Novak brings creative, interactive and effective professional development right to your organization.  Experience working with more than 1,500 leaders and with a portfolio of curriculum designed to elevate your team’s skills, behaviors and attitude, Chris can take your training efforts to a new level of effectiveness.

 

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Our top-rated training program, this themed-learning experience seamlessly blends classic team leadership concepts with the mystique of buccaneer genre.  The objective is to introduce participants to characteristics of an effective team leader including communication, vision, delegation, problem-solving, diversity and initiative.  This is training people love to participate in.

 

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