Steve Malloy's 15 off-season tips
8/25/2009
A special note from Steve Malloy

Rocks players, thank you all for a most enjoyable year.  Perhaps now is a good time to consider, by way of complementing John Maslow’s top ten list of reasons the Rocks made it to state, 15 ways to improve the team next year.  I offer the following suggestions:

 

1.     Team changes its name to Minneapolis Millers

2.     Team buys imported beer

3.     Team organizes Vikings cheerleaders "Get-to-Know-You" night

4.     Team expands its already exploding fan base (note to Blake and Samantha...)

5.     Team adds phonetic surnames to jerseys (It’s SAY-nert)

6.     Team adopts Bob's sand painting ritual as defacto "swing-away" sign

7.     Team encourages Ryan S. to return The Illustrated Man to Blockbuster

8.     Mark receives “Auditory Impact-Response” lessons from Maria Sharapova

9.     Matty receives full-body skeletal implant

10.  John M says no to North Korean journalistic opportunity

11.  Paul receives injury avoidance counseling from Tarvaris Jackson

 12.  John B paints bat fuchsia in support of Mothers with Colored Hair Awareness.

13.  AARP agrees to insure Brian's shoulder

14.  P-Nash League removes Ritalin from its list of banned substances (note to Mike)

15.  Park National League accepts Luke's petition to use a 33/30 frozen walleye