Rocks Fantasy Football: Week 5
10/20/2009

Start spreading the news.  I’m leaving today.  I want to be a part of it….New York, New York.

 

Somewhere, Tony Soprano is singing that famous Frank Sinatra song because the mafia certainly must be involved in the New York Yankees playoff fix.  How else do explain the Twins' demise amidst poor umpiring and even worse baserunning blunders for a team that prides itself on small ball.  Unfortunately for the rest of the nation, it is the year of the big apple. 

 

I would like to offer a special thank you to Mark Fenstad you graciously invited me to the Twins vs Tigers play-in game.  The game was nothing short of exhilarating, yet extremely exhausting.  I remember walking to my car after the game thinking to myself I haven’t been that emotionally tied to a ballgame since Game 3 of the Rocks vs. Angels playoff series, and before that it was game 7 of the 1991 World Series.  The game was an edge-of-your-seat experience and I’ll be the first to admit that the Twins did not deserve to win that game.  They missed several opportunities, but thanks to a little Metrodome magic, they persevered. 

 

The next day, the Twins magnificent run would finally come to a crashing halt to the hands of the well-paid Yankees, but the series wasn't short of its own drama.  The Twins could’ve won that series if only for a few plays that didn't go their way.  As it stands, several people have written about the offseason agenda which include trading the “Big Twitch”, Joe Nathan.  Folks, it’s not his fault…entirely.  It’s not even Phil Cuzzi’s fault for making the worst umpiring call that I have ever seen on Joe Mauer’s apparent double. 

If you want to find fault with someone, blame Delmon Young and Carlos Gomez.  One of those two needed to find a way to score a runner in the 11th inning when the bases were loaded with no outs.  Neither did.  If a runner scores in that situation, the Twins likely win that game.  Then it’s off to Minnesota for game 3 of the series.  In that scenario, the Yankees aren’t as relaxed without a 2-0 series lead and the Twins continue their magical Metrodome run.  I will contend that we’re playing game #5 in New York tonight (Wednesday) if the Twins win last Friday night’s game.  But that’s just me. 

 

Now, Twins fans are left to sit and watch an otherwise boring playoff schedule with four teams who were all expected to be there.  The consolation is that Torii Hunter has an opportunity to win a ring – barring another Tony Soprano moment.  For the rest of us, we can begin the “will he, won’t he sign” discussion. 

 

Of course I’m talking about Mr. Twin, Joe Mauer.  Personally, I think he will sign a six or seven year deal with the Twins in the range of $110 to $130 million dollars.  There’s a majority that believe Joe will end up in pinstripes or be bashing balls off the green monster in Boston.  Not me.  Here’s why:

 

-       The Red Sox just traded for the second best catcher in the A.L. in Edgar Martinez.  They'll resign him when his contract is up.  To get Mauer would involve them trading better and more prospects/players than it would've taken a couple years ago when Johan was on the market. The Sox won't give that up regardless of how good Mauer is. 

 

-       The Yankees.  No way.  Joe’s been a Twins fan his entire life.  He’s played in the Twins organization for a long time.  He’s grown up to despise the evil empire. 

 

Even if his odds of winning the World Series were better with the Yankees, I think Joe will be content winning the AL Central for the next 6 years with an opportunity to get the grandest of stages.  Joe Mauer playing for the Yankees would be like me playing for the Minneapolis Angels.  It just ain't gonna happen. 

 

Now onto some football….

 

Speaking of New York teams, the New York Giants are at the top of the NFL with a record of 5-0.  Had your fantasy football team started a member of the Giants at each position in Week 5, your team would’ve scored 111 points.  This would have beaten all but one team in the Rocks league.  Unbelievable. 

 

Speaking of 100-point teams, there were five of them this week.  The highest scoring team of the bunch goes to “I heart Nickelback” who wins 117 to 110.  The unfortunate loser is “Lebowski’s Urban Achievers” who would’ve beaten all but one other team.  Nickleback’s team finally produced the results Bean was hoping for when he drafted his team back in August.  Micheal Turner became relevant in fantasy football again after 5 weeks of putting up back-up type stats.  And Marshawn Lynch emerged from his drug induced suspension to score 17 points.  With his starting QB (Jay Cutler) on a bye week, there was nothing Lebowski could’ve done to change the result.  Instead, Lebowski was forced to go “all-in” by starting a former 3rd string quarterback in Shaun Hill.  Hopefully he had better luck at the poker table this week.  . 

 

Coming off a 3 game losing streak, “Real Men Play Baseball” emerges into the winner’s column with a decisive win over the first place “Team Tripod” by a score of 111 to 86.  Colin’s team this season has been feast or famine, but he’s now been hitting the fantasy playbook harder a Tom Cable punch to the face.  When asked if he wanted to come over and drink beer at the Maslow household on Saturday night, I received the following text from Colin:

 

“Are you trying to take me away from doing extensive fantasy research tonight?  You’ll notice it’s been working.”

 

Although he was able to multi-task by drinking beer and playing Guitar Hero, Colin proved with his win that he’s quickly becoming an understudy to fantasy guru Matthew Berry.  Three of Real Men’s players who have underperformed all year turned in top tier performances.  KC's defense made Tony Romo look like Roger Staubach; Clinton Portis proved that Carolina might be the worst team in the league (behind Portis’ Redskins) and Brandon Marshall is suddenly happy in Denver.  In Marshall’s case, a 5-0 start will typically help those offseason issues.  Team Tripod must be unhappy with his defeat.  Our guess though is that he doesn’t have much time to dwell on it given he’s too busy studying for mid-terms, running laps around the UST baseball field, or chasing tennis balls.  

 

My fantasy football team was cheated in its defeat as bad as Phil Cuzzi blown call.  After 3 weeks of bringing attention to the terrible line-up decisions by “Baby Jesus”, my “Favre from Good” team throws a pre-game interception by following the same strategy that Paul used.  In this example, I had been in trade talks all week to move Joseph Addai and Braylon Edwards, but I couldn’t find a suitor.  Upset, I chose not to start either player and it cost me a victory.  The 35 net points that I could’ve scored would’ve edged Paul by 3 points.  Now, I’m reeling at 2-3 while Paul thinks he’s fantasy football relevant again.  Unlikely. 

 

A team involved in trade discussions was “Gunsville Sticks”.  His failure to pull the trigger on a trade is only fitting as he gets run over by the best team in Fantasy Football, “Team Sho”.  You heard that correctly, the best team in Fantasy Football.  If you’re scratching your head, you’re not alone.  His team lacks a fantasy football stud.  Antonio Gates and Chris Johnson are his big name players. But only Gates is having a decent year and HE WAS ON A BYE THIS WEEK.  Sho’s team is lead by his defense, TE and kicker.  Only time will tell if Team Sho can keep up his run. 

 

Leading the Riverview league and tied for Team Sho as the best team is “GLBT Pride”, formerly known as Team Tollefson.  It’s about time Tollefson changed his team name and it’s welcoming to know that he supports a certain cause.  Good for you Tolly.  Your team defeats “Just the Tip” by a score of 96 to 81 even with GLBT’s 49ers defense scoring -3 points.  Unfortunately for Tip, he had 3 starters on a bye week.  After three straight defeats it might be easier for Just the Tip to come out of the closet.  It’s likely going to be easier than winning in this league.  Speaking of coming out parties, GLBT Pride had Roddy White on his bench.  The same Roddy White that scored 41 points against the already mentioned 49ers defense.   

 

The last match-up of the week featured the streaking “Body by Bacardi” against the previously winless “Team Funky Bunch”.  I mention “previously” because Funky’s team beats the Body by a score of 93 to 82.  The outcome likely would’ve been different for the Body had Calvin Johnson not gone down with a sore knee mid-way through the first quarter.  Side note to Jeff Leintz…you’ll likely have better results when you start a player in each position.  I encourage you to not start a full team in week 6, however, as your team faces off against mine.   

 

If anyone else would like to volunteer to write these weekly updates, please let me know.