MOST RECENT NEWS


Texas Grad Rugby Crowned One of the Top Ten* MBA Rugby Programs in the World

4/20/09
Grad Rugby traveled to North Carolina this past weekend to participate in the MBA World Rugby Tournament hosted by Duke University.  After two full days of intense playing (on and off the field), UTGRC finished in the top ten*.  Congrats, boys, on one of the greatest tours ever.

*ok, technically 11th.  But nobody's likely to call us on it.


Dirty Miraculously Avoids Fourth Heart Attack

4/11/09
Grad Rugby took the pitch this weekend in a scrimmage match versus the Austin Huns, claiming a victory by the score of 38-19.  Caught up in the moment, Coach Dirty actually put himself in the game at prop for a short while.  When asked for comment, Dirty's cardiologist was quoted as saying "What is wrong with this man?  Doesn't he realize how OLD he is?"

In other news, Grad Rugby actually got to participate in a match with a good ref.  Thanks, Meg.


Grad Rugger changes nickname after 5 months of debate

3/2/09
Pre-season superstar and Italian Football legend Anthony Salvador has decided to trash his highly-recognized "Walk On" tag for something more telling of his lengthy troubles this season. Effective as of March 1, 2009, Salvador has decided to be recognized as "Limp Off" for the remainder of his rugby career. This mysterious moniker has its roots in a tough ankle injury that effectively voided Salvador's chances of TRU dominance for the better part of the season.
 
In a press conference discussing his change in cognomen, Salvador proclaimed the five month-long debate was finally ended after he "got so much pre-law ass with [his] injury, how could [he] not do it for tha ladiez?" According to several media personnel present, subsequent comments by the former Fighting Irish meathead were so difficult to understand a professional Stallone interpreter was brought in for the remainder of the conference. Eyewitnesses say one news reporter was caught drawing scenes from "Rocky" on his newspad.
 
Texas Grad Rugby looks forward to the return of "Limp Off" in future TRU matches, most notably the long-awaited post-season cup match with Midland that will have no effect on the points standings for the season. Any subsequent injuries will see his openside counterpart meeting him head to head in Dallas during the fall. Says Salvador, "Aw, coawch, that Byrne bitch ain't gots nothin' on me."


Landon Spawned From 80's Rock Star

2/24/09
DNA tests are expected to confirm what we have all suspected all along: Landon is actually the offspring of Steve Perry from Journey.  Photos do not lie, friends.  Photos do not lie.


 


ABC and Time Warner Cable Disappoint

2/22/09
ABC had advertised that they were going to show USA Sevens highlights on Sunday at 4pm CST.  Instead we got an Academy Award preview show.  Shame on you, ABC and Time Warner for thinking with your wallets and disappointing dozens of rugby fans across central Texas (probably).


Dirty Petitions TRU to Change Duration of Cup Matches

2/17/09
In the wake of Grad Rugby's recent late-game meltdowns, coach Dirty has officially petitioned TRU to shorten the duration of cup matches from 80 minutes to 60 minutes.  When asked to elaborate, Dirty said "I know it's a weird request, but what else could I do?  I'm tired of the wheels coming off the cart at the end of every damn match.  I try to punish these guys but it just keeps happening.  These guys can only run so many henny-mullas."


Grad Rugger's Life All Downhill From Here

11/25/08
Grad rugger Blue Shorts' life has reached its peak.  After experiencing his defloration, his 21st birthday, and his first try in 15's rugby all within one week, there is nothing left in life for Blue Shorts to live for.  He is expected to continue to practice and play rugby in a vain attempt to recapture the magic of that one special week, but it will likely all be for naught. 


Texas Grad Rugby Wins Thunderbird Championship


11/10/08 (updated 11/25/08 with new pics!)




Grad Rugby traveled to Arizona this past weekend to compete in the 12th Annual Thunderbird Invitational tournament and came away with a 1st place championship trophy.  Samoan ringers, you got nothin' on us.  Big thanks to Wharton for getting our backs during the dust-up.

Our Championship Team Photo (currently hanging in the Thunderbird bar on campus):



real team photo:



Mills does a victory dance with his new cape:





Blue Shorts Has Brush With The Law

10/29/08



We have a tie for the caption contest.  Thanks to everyone for playing.  Winners are:

"But officer, I couldn't do that if I was sober!"

and

"Alright son, to press charges, you're going to have to show me on this here diagram just where Mr. Krekelberg touched you."


Grad Rugger Fulfills Promise

10/11/08

Grad Rugby took on the Huns this past Saturday, October 11, at Burr field.  The Huns (playing a mix of their Div 1 and 2 players) played well, allowing just three Grad Rugby tries in the second half.  More significantly, grad rugger Alan May fulfilled his long-standing promise to "truck some motherfuckers."  Mays was quoted after the game as saying "Penalty schmenalty."


ELV Scrimmage Yields Mixed Emotions

9/27/08

Nine grad ruggers took part in an Experimental Laws Variation scrimmage held at Burr field on Saturday, 9/27.  Alamo City fielded one side, while the other side was made up of members from various Austin teams, including the UT Grads, Blacks, and Huns.
 
The grads performed admirably, despite their various states of inebriation.  Captain Matt Mills said "I'm a little torn about our performance today.  I mean, on one hand, we played really well and scored all of the tries for our side.  On the other hand, we had to wear Huns jerseys.  So, you know...it was kind of a wash."
 
Several spectators commented on the improved fitness level of the grad team.  When asked about this, Mills said "Who knows?  Maybe those hobbylobbies we run in practice actually help."


Rugger Passive-Aggressively Tries To Break Up With Team

9/22/08

Grad Rugger Landon Hamilton told the team this past weekend that he's "been really busy" and recently "hurt his shoulder" in a vain attempt to distance himself from the team. When pressured, Mr. Hamilton repeatedly said "Really guys...it's not you. It's me" and that he "just needs some space." A spokesman for the team responded by saying "Landon's just going through some stuff right now. We know he'll come back to us."
Mr. Hamilton went on to say "Sigh...at least I can still get cheap pints at Fado, right?"



"Walk On" Continues his Path of Destruction. No End in Sight.

9/16/08

After leaving practice Tuesday night, grad rugger Anthony "Walk On" Salvador continued knocking over several people, including a nun, a one-legged chick, and a midget. When asked for comment, Mr. Salvador said "Forget the practice pads. The only way to get better is to hit real people." Pedestrians in the campus area, consider yourself warned.


Tubing Trip Somehow Avoids Resemblance to Plot of "Deliverance"

9/8/08

Grad ruggers braved the wilds of Martindale, TX this past Saturday, taking a tubing trip on the San Marcos River. Highlights included: a bevy of attractive females, loads of beer, and an encounter with the infamous man of leather. Said Tom Appleman: "Was that a banjo?  Did you hear that?  Did that sound like a banjo to you?"


Practice to Feature "A Whole Lot More Running"

8/17/08

Erik "Dirty" Sanchez, coach of Grad Rugby, has notified the team there will be, "a whole lot more running this year during practice...in short, prepare to work hard."  The email notifications are part of a general coaching scheme that will feature more running, more sprinting, and less speedwalking. 

According to Mr. Dirty, Grad Ruggers could be a bit more on the fit side of things, and in addition to learning advanced tackling strategies, field vision, and scrummaging techniques, ruggers will be expected to spend more time feeling that horrible puking/need to urinate sensation that comes from too many wind sprints.

BrianGaryBrianGary Kaspar responded by saying, "Hmmm...I just checked Hell and it has not yet frozen over..."

Grad Rugby Website Updated

8/17/08

In a shocking turn of events, the website was updated for the second time this summer.  Reports are still coming in but apparently the person that updates the award-winning site decided to actually give a shit about it since it is recruting time and all. 

ARCHIVE

Three Grad Ruggers to Join U.S. Eagles

1/03/08

Three of our beloved grad ruggers, Terry Weaver, Gary Kasper, and Thomas Appleman, have been asked to join the U.S. Eagles in their upcoming April match-up against England's B side.  Their spectacular play was spotted by a scout at this year's Thunderbird tournament, and their contracts were made final on the first of this year.  Congratulations gentlement.  The US Eagles need all the help they get because we should face facts, our national team is not the best.

Physical Fitness Pays Dividends

1/17/08

Our team dedication to physical fitness has paid off with two ruggers breaking the 4.5/40 barrier during our monthly "physical fitness check-up" trainings.  Mark "Worm" Wimmer and Dave "Gagfi" Levitt ran a 4.33 and 4.42 respectively.  All of our props put in impressive numbers of their own with no man slower than a 5.1/40.  Again, good job boys.  Now we know why the Eagles keep stealing our players.

Jason Baze Folds Space

1/20/08

After five concussions in seven months, Jason can now actually fold space.  Though banned from the rugby field because of a Nervous Nellie IRB and something about "massive brain trauma" being bad for the game, Jason continues to tell us what life is like in the year 3000 A.D. and whether cave-chicks were hot.  Remember the year is 2008 Jason...

Some Dude Named Ramses Finally Removed From Roster...players that actually show up consistently not yet added

1/23/08

Our beloved webmaster, Lucas "CrippleSticks" Meyers, has finally attempted to kind of update the roster. 

Gary Kasper Dorks Himself Out at Fado; Lucas Meyers Soon Follows

1/23/08

In what was an impressive display of how cool they both were in high school, Mssrs. Kasper and Meyers proved once again, it not because of but rather in spite of, their personalities that they sometimes actually have sex...with a real girl. 

The first incident occurred at approximately 9:30pm (CST) when Mr. Kasper, who was sitting by the pub fire, asked the waitress what the throbbing bass noise was coming from behind the fireplace. After our beloved and beautiful waitress responded, "It is music bleeding over from the bar next door.", Mr. Kasper then saw fit to respond, "Oh...I thought it was Orcs at the Forge." 

The second incident occurred approximately twenty minutes later when Mr. Meyers was approached about a "Frequent Patrons" discount key ring or some-such-thing by another of our beloved and beautiful Fado waitresses.  She said that Mr. Meyers may be eligible, but since he was moving in September the discount key fob would have to be passed on to somebody else.  Mr. Meyers allayed these concerns with the comment, "Much like the ring of the fabled Green Lantern Corps, the Fado discount ring will choose its own successor." 

We are so cool.

Hollish Says "Bullshit"

1/23/08

Andreas "Hollish" Moegensen, our beloved Nordic-German-Hollandesa stranded on the Continent, claims "bullshit" on the fact that "Gagfi" could break a 4.5/40.  Mr. Hollish says that, "The only way [Gagfi] could run a 4.42/40 is if it was 4 minutes and 42 seconds."  Mr. Hollish continued, "I have to go now and wear the Lederhosen and rub the sausages so that they are warm for the Kinder and then I have to build a dike and a windmill and do lots of other stupid European stuff that involves one currency and blonde statuesque women that do not turn fat as soon as you marry them."

Mr. Gagfi was unavailable for comment mainly because we did not ask him for one. 

Grads Mourn the Passing Of Heath Ledger

1/24/08

Grad Rugby held a candlelight vigil on the Town Lake bridge yesterday evening to mourn the passing of film star, Heath Ledger.  Nobody attended. 

Nickels' Little Brother Witnesses College Roommate Doing Naughty Things...Nickels' Little Brother Not Invited to Join In

1/31/08

Grad Rugger Nickels' little brother received a rude awakening on the ways of the real world the other day when he walked in on his roommate having sexual intercourse with multiple male and female partners.  Little Brother had responded to a distress call by the dorm R.A. because strange noises were emanating from the room, and nobody was answering the door.  Upon unlocking the door to his room, the illicit tryst was discovered.  Little Brother commented, "I mean I see stuff like this on the Internet all the time, but when it is happening in your own room just inches away from where I make Ramen, I kind of throw up a little bit in my mouth." 

Grad Rugby Beats Denton

2/2/08

Sweet.

Team Ditches Social Chair at Fado, Social Chair Meets Five Single Canadian Women in Town for Two Days and in Need of Things to Do

2/5/08

Grad Ruggers decided, unbeknownst to their beloved social chair, to meet for a post-practice drink-up at Cain and Abel's instead of the usual Fado on Tuesday night.  Forced to wait and drink a beer by himself, Social Chair Lucas Meyers began speaking to Canadian P.R. representatives in town for a trade convention.  All of the women had never been to Austin before and were looking for people to show them around.  Lucas Meyers said he plans to teach his team a lesson and will refuse to let them hang out together. 

Hollish Arrives in Town Unannounced...Avoids Hit Team Put Out on Him

2/08/08

Wayward son, Hollish Deutschekopf, arrived unannounced to the Friday night pubcrawl thus foiling the planned hit the Grad Rugby team had planned to occur in Germany during the weekend.  Like something straight out of the moive Munich, the wily Hollish avoided the rabid knife-fighting monkey that Grad Ruggers had planted in his apartment closet.  Due to this boondoggle, not only is the team out one trained knife-fighting monkey, but the Gurkan hitmen who were the back-up team are demanding that their knives be wetted with blood before they resheath them.  Grad Rugger rookies are encouraged to attend the "bloodletting team building session" this Tuesday.

Somehow Midget KISS Tribute Band Just Not as Fun as It Should Have Been

2/15/08

Okay, so there were little people, there were KISS songs, and there were fireballs shooting out of Gene Simmons' hands.  So why did it still suck?  Was it the GnR cover three songs into the concert?  Was it the huge crowd that made lifting the beer to your mouth difficult?  Or was it just that we had too high of expectations (pun intended)? 

Several studies, interviews, and polls are underway.  Grad Rugby will not rest until it knows why a little man wearing a leather mini-skirt singing Detroit Rock City was just not great.  Or as Gagfi said, "Oh, I am not nearly drunk enough."

Kiwi Leaves Team - Grad Rugby Desperately Searching for Kiwi Lookalike Before Gagfi Returns

2/24/08

After the departure of Grad Rugby's beloved Scott "Kiwi" Kelman, the team is desperately searching for another New Zealander that will pass for Kiwi.  The original Kiwi left while his roommate, Gagfi, was out-of-town and nobody on the team wants to see Gagfi cry when he finds out Kiwi is no longer here.

"I would just hate to see the look on [Gagfi's] face," says Neil Hoffman, "I mean, it was hard enough to explain to Gagfi about "hamster heaven" and I am just not willing to go through that again."

The team has posted a CraigsList ad, and while several people expressed interest in living with an ambiguously gay Jewish guy in Central Austin, no New Zealanders have responded.  Grad Rugby figures that if worse comes to worse, they will just have a life-like portrait of Kiwi made and placed in Gagfi's livingroom. 

After being asked for comment, Gagfi sniffled and said, "What do you mean Kiwi no longer lives with me?"  Grad Rugby News told him the question was just a bad dream and to forget all about it.


Guy Seen Taking Contact Information Tab from a Grad Rugby Flier

2/25/08

Reports are sketchy and information is still coming in; however preliminary reports indicate that Social Chair Lucas Meyers actually observed a student read a Texas Grad Rugby Flier last week and subsequently tear off the "information" tab at the bottom of the flier. 

"At the time, I was almost giddy with excitement," says Mr. Meyers, "I did not know whether to talk to him on the spot or just let him call at his leisure.  I mean, they never call, but still you do not want to seem too needy right?"

Apparently Mr. Meyers remained silent and simply monitored the situation.  As of press time, no new rugger has contacted the team.  

"Well, it has been, like, a week, and he still has not contacted us," continued Mr. Meyers, "A part of me hopes he is okay or just shy, but then another part of me hopes he is dead or seriously injured because that would be the only acceptable reason for not calling.  Not that I am bitter."

Mr. Meyers was last seen calling the local hospitals and morgues. 


Terry Sees "Harold" from Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle

3/9/08

Terry "MeatGrinder" Weaver saw the guy who played Harold in Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle.  This celebrity spotting occurred at the Stephen F. Austin Bar at approximately 2pm.  Mr. Weaver had been drinking for about 4 hours at that time.

Mr. Weaver approached whoever that guy is and said, "I appreciate your work.  Thank you for doing what you do." 

In response to the star's look of confusion, Mr. Weaver showed his tits.  


Lucas Gets Most Ego-deflating Text Message In History

3/9/08

While drinking on a lazy Sunday afternoon with fellow ruggers Hank Vice, Jerome the Flying Squirrel, Meatgrinder, and some other guy, Mr. Meyers sent a text to a young lady asking if she would like to hang out later that evening.  The text messages traded between the two were as follows:

Mr. Meyers: "Hey are you around?"
Girl: "What up?!"
Mr. Meyers: "Want to hang out later?"
Girl: "Cannot got to organize and pack."
Mr. Meyers: "What does that mean?"
Girl: "Moving at end of month.  Figured I should start cleaning and organizing."  (emphasis added)

Yes, that is right fellow ruggers.  This young lady rated hanging out with Mr. Meyers somewhere below cleaning out that black gunky build-up out from under the toilet rim.

When asked for comment Mr. Meyers responded, "Well that sucks.  I totally planned on marrying her."


Sevens Season Starts - 5 guys show up

6/6/08

The hardpan is hard; the humidity is delightfully mixed with the oppressive heat of a Texas summer; and the Huns are demanding more blood.  It must be 7's season, and once again, Grad Ruggers have come out in full force.  It is even rumored that Senor Ensalada may show up if somebody will give him a ride back from the pitch. 

While the squad of 5 is hampered by a few injuries this year, Grad Rugby expects great things out of this summer's sevens training.  Combined with the non-personal efforts of Coach Dirty, Alan's Excel spreadsheet, and Capt. Dan's extensive tool box filled with spare motorcycle parts, Grad Rugby's squad looks unstoppable.

Squishy Used as a Source of Fluid for Bear Grylls

6/6/08

In another exciting episode of Man v. Wild, Bear Grylls, the ex-SAS super suvivorlist, challenged himself to stay alive in the Texas summer heat for 48 hours.  After 3 hours of wilting heat, Grylls tracked down Hank Vice, cut open Squishy, and drank the contents saying, "In a climate such as this one, you will need to drink 15 liters or more of water a day.  Without water, your cells will quickly dry out, your major organ systems will follow, and death quickly.  These barsupials are excellent sources of water."

Bear was then shot by Capt Dan who was heard to exclaim, "He talked funny.  He will feed kids."

Sevens Practice Limited to Thursdays Because We Are Just That Good

6/24/08

After an impressive showing at Bloodfest where Grad Rugby almost beat at team that actually won a game, Grad Ruggers have cut back practice to only one day a week. 

"When you are good, you are good," said Nick Whitelonis, "I mean, dang, we scored a try.  I see no reason to practice futher." 

Coach Sanchez commented, "These boys are the epitome of good.  Asking them to practice on Tuesdays would be like asking Big Brown to run on a cracked hoof.  I say pull back now, so they can run hard in the future.  Sevens by the Sea has no idea what is coming for them."