UPDATE UNDERWAY....      

 

                                           

                                            (File photo)   Nice cans.  Great old school can design as well.  

  

(Marlboro, MA)  After a couple disastrous seasons, hockey is fun again.  That's what winning does and what the Renegades are doing.  The team is now 7-0-1 after a seventh consecutive win on Tuesday night.  It was an uphill battle for the Brewskis from the first puck drop as their team dressed just 8 skaters with one showing up late.  Despite the short bench the Renegades had trouble capitalizing early with a flurry of missed opportunities.  On top of that, the team suffered a major scare when Guy MacKinnon banged his gimpy knee and struggled to leave the ice.  If Guy was hurt, who would brings Johnson's beer???  Who would play tickle touch with Jay???  Luckily, the answers weren't required as Guy returned after missing a lone shift.  Despite the rough start the Renegades did open the scoring at 8:30 of the first when Dave Appleton scored his 6th of the season.  "Yaaaaaa".  His goal ended up being overshadowed by big brother Johns scuffle later in the period.  Literally nobody in the building saw what happened but as we all know, Postizzi is not a trouble maker. (Cue sitcom laugh track)  As the story goes, John knocked the stick out of a Brewkis hand and was met with a punch to the face.  You would think somebody stole his fishing role or dry plucked his back hair.  A WWE like face plant was in order and left his opponent face down on the ice.  Since he technically threw no punches, John was given a double minor and allowed to stay in the game.  The second period saw the Renegades take over with goals from Gil Lefort, Craig Devaney, and Lee Goren.  Devaney's goal was of the highlight variety as Craigey went end to end, tucking the puck through a defenders legs before burying it into the back of the net.  Not sure if it was the new skates or simply a cubie trying to make an impression in front of his boss, Chris Munroe.  Craig wasn't done as he added his second of the night early in the third to put the Renegades up 5-0.  Unfortunately, the team coughed up a puck in their own zone that led to the Brewskis ending the shutout bid.  A late goal by Paul "I don't have to buy shampoo because I don't have hair" Johnson ended the scoring.  The final, 6-1 good guys.  Coach spoke from the parking lot podium.  "It's been a while, maybe a few years since we were able to put a game away that early.  We got solid defense, goaltending, and balanced scoring.  We're going to look at the tape, enjoy the holiday, and get right back to work.  Hopefully get some guys back for the second half.  That's it's guys, gotta drink."  No game the week of the 4th but we'll be back on the ice Tuesday the 12th.  Puck drops at 9:50pm.          

 

 

                News and Notes 

                         

                                                                      Actor Portrayal of Craig bitching in the parking lot.  

 

 

As of this release, the league has still not released the rest of the schedule for the season.  We may indeed have a division bye week due to the holiday but do stay posted... There is no truth to the rumors that team management is looking to cut ties with long time defenseman Jules Pelto.  Absolutely absurd that he would be moved unless the team could move him in a deal to bring back Topper.  The idea was floated in the press when Pelto was mistakedly left off the meet the defensemen write up.  It was indeed written but not saved after a "time out" occurred on the site... So it turns out our resident Ginger, Craig Devaney, has red leaking from his hair and into his pen.  Yes, was kind enough to point out the many grammatical mistakes in the publishing of these write ups.  Red headed little fuck... The reviews are in.  If you are hungry after a game and don't have any plain hot dog rolls in your bread basket, Chris Munroe says the Spicy Jalepeno Chicken sandwhich is a must purchase.  Just don't ask his toilet bowl for its review...     

                                             Meet The Team                 

                                  

                                                             This week we meet the final two Renegades.        

 

John Postizzi:  "Big" John Postizzi was a high school goalie and college football player.  Now a defenseman, John was signed many years ago as a pickup from the league itself.  Postizzi can best be described as the guy every team loves to hate but you want on your team. You see, if you ask John, he has never taken a penalty in his life and is just victim of his size.  Speaking of size, his back hair makes the Wrentham state forest look tiny.  A staple in the locker room and sponsor of the team, he's also know for providing the grill, smelling like fish, and recruiting his brother Dave Appleton.  Two out of three is not bad.  

 

Sean Terrell:  Sean Terrell is an original going back to the days of Medway High.  On the ice, he won't put up big numbers but he will block a sickly amount of shots and may literally try to knock an opposing players head off.  Yes, he and Marty McSorely have a few things in common but those days seem to be behind him.  (Knocking on wood)  Terrell also leads the shit parade.  He literally can't even say hello before heading to the stall to taka a pre-game dump.  If he's early.  He dumps.  If he's late.  He dumps.  If he's horny, he dumps.  Just on Guys chest.  He's also known to "Sean" people.  Yes, it's a phrase.  "I got Seaned last night in parking lot."  It's easier to get out of Greg Valantine's figure four leg lock than it is a Sean conversation.  When you're in one, just grab a couple beers and knod accordingly.   

 

Paul Johnson:  Another original Mustang turned Renegade. Once young, skinny, with long flowing hair, father time has kicked the shit out of Paul.  He's now old, heavier, with less hair than Postizzi's knuckle.  That said, his game on the ice has not slipped.  He's the owner of the patented blueline sweep that pisses off many hot dog skaters that think their shit don't stink.  "You can't get by me" was one of Paul's best moments although it almost got him killed.  Paul's offensive game seems to be on the uprise as he tied his career high in goals this past winter with 6.

 

Craig Devaney:  "Craig.  Oh, Craig." (Wedding Crashers)  Craig Devaney came to us via Chris Munroe who pretty much dropped him off like a puppy at a parents house, then stopped coming to games.  Luckily, Craig fit right in.  He is young which means he is Lefort approved, he can skate which is better than most of us, and he hangs out and drinks, which is the #1 way to become a Renegade. What he is probably best know for is being a Ginger with an awesome Bruins jacket.  A ginger that tucks his cute little black rimmed glasses neatly into his sweater pocket after every game.  Awwww.  (See photo)  When he's not being a millenial, Craig can be found apolgizing to females skaters for "touching them down there" or sending spy picks of Munroe at work.                

 

FORWARDS: 

 

Gil Lefort:  Lefort was stolen from an opposing team within the league, many years ago.   The Renegades signed him to an offer sheet the Chiefs were unwilling to match.  We promised food, beer, and the promise that we’d never win a championship.  We’ve come through.  When he’s not leading the team in scoring, Gil can be found staring at his stats, talking to the refs, or hanging out with some random team in the parking lot.   

 

Dave Appleton:  Appleton returns to the team after a few years off.  He spent much of his time living Paul’s dream, playing with hoses at the firehouse.  He also fell in and out love more times than a girl in junior high.  On the ice, Dave is a thoroughbred who instantly becomes the hardest worker on the team and an instant threat to unseat Lefort for the points title.  Could be the signing that puts the team over the top in the hunt for that elusive tee shirt. 

 

Chris Pilkington:  Pilkington is a bloodline player that came to the team via his roots with the Mustangs of Medway.  Although no longer the youngest on the team, he will forever be called “Rookie”.   He can usually be found at the top of the scoring charts as well as with a cell phone in his hand.  Doesn’t drink a lot of beers but his time in the post game parking lot is well documented, earning him the respect of his teammates.  Recently won a tee shirt with his other team in Norfolk.  Bastard.      

 

Chris Munroe:  Munroe came to the team through the league.  When we needed a player, they sent us Chris.  Being from Canada, he instantly became the guy who can never live up to his draft status.  “He’s from Canada” instantly gives people the idea that he is going to be a generational player in a beer league, a Sidney Crosby so to speak.  Ya, we got a solid hockey player who can put his share of beers away, but still has trouble hitting the side of a barn with his shot.  He’s also known for wearing “Munroe shorts” that come straight from the 70’s NBA. 

 

Jay Sherman:  Sherman also comes from the Mustang pipeline and is one of many goalies turned skaters on the team.  Jay is sneaky good when not hung over and often scores highlight reels goals when given the chance to use his speed.  He is also a guy who literally would not play if there were no beer.  Don’t even bother asking.  Away from the rink, Sherman makes flutes.  It’s what he does.  You may know hundreds of accountants, construction workers, doctors, etc., but how many friends can you call a flute maker.  My hands just slow clapped. 

 

Guy MacKinnon:  Guy is the glue that holds the team together.  The most important man when he walks in the room.  Not because he is the oldest and demands respect, (He is damn close though and grey as a nursing home) but because he is in charge of beer duty.  Flat out the most important job in the country.  The absence of beer can immediately suck the life out of a locker room and the fun out of any night.  On the ice, Guy has magic hands but MacKinnon feet.  He knows this and his role… that is to pass like Adam Oates, score like Kevin Hayes, and drink till the coolers empty.          

 

Bruce Hodsdon:  Bruce became a Renegade through defenseman Jules Pelto.  He was a hockey virgin who never played an organized game in his life prior to joining us in the summer of 2013.  Despite this fact, Jules vouched for Bruce by saying he’s pretty much good at everything he tries.  The statement seemed to bother Jules somewhat and is definitely a topic he might be revisiting on an office couch many years from now.  Bruce has not disappointed and even produced 16 assists in just 19 games a year ago.   The only knock is his work schedule that only allows him only to cum every other week.  It’s called the married shift.  Get it.  A wocka wocka wocka! 

 

Scott MacKinnon:  It’s really tough to write about yourself so I will keep it simple.  When girls look at me, they water the ice like a zamboni.  I just have “it”.  Sure, my voice is as high as Snoop Dog on a Friday night, but that’s not something I can control.  What I do control - is making sure we have a team each season and collecting the money, which is why I wear the collectors “C” on my uniform.  

 

Next week, we meet the defensemen and goaltender.