The Blue Balls season is under way and what better way to welcome our new fans, as well as honor our old fans, by going over some key terms in the Blue Ball Chirp Dictionary. These are words, phrases, or terms that you may hear chirped from the bench, on the ice, or in the locker room. Please familiarize yourself with the Labatt lingo that is important part of any Blue Ball player's vocabulary. As with any dictionary defination, I will be sure to use the word in a sentence to enable readers to understand how to add these phrases to their vocab and use them correctly amongst their friends.

Lets start with some on ice chirps directed towards your teammates, referees, or adversaries.

Coupons: A great chirp directed toward an opponents tender who seems to struggle stopping the bisquit. Example - "Hey goalie, I've seen coupons that save more than you."

Pregnant Ref: Used in the third period when a Ref is fucking your team over. Example - "Ref you gotta be pregnant, you've missed two periods already!"

Apple Sauce: When you float dirty sauce to get an assist. Example - "Thanks for burying my apple sauce, I really needed that apple."

Pine Apple: When some bender on your team chissles points from the bench. Example - "Kid's a disgrace to hockey, that's his 3rd pine apple this season."

Ron Textall: The guy who just can't stop texting either if its in the dressing room, in the car or in the bars. This guys always has his head burried in his celly trying to wheel. Example - "Hey Johnny,look at Ron Textall over there, he hasn't put his celly away all night."

Called in Sick: Beaut term for when one of the boys is having a brutal game and can't dangle or pick up a pass. Example - "Hey Millsy, your hands call in sick today?"
This multi faceted term can also be used for when you're at the bar and some goof walks by with no sleeves on his shirt. Example - "Look at that meathead over there, I think his sleeves called in sick."

It Must Be Hard To Eat With No Hands - A great phrase for the guy on your team that just cant stick handle. Example - "Hey Jonesy, it must be hard to eat with no hands."

Wagon - Good for chirping those stupid wheelie bags. Example - "That's a nice wagon you have there, Steve."

Grocery Stick - The player on the bench that isnt getting any ice time and isn't moving on the bench. He's just sitting there, separating the d from the forwards just like the grocery stick separates your items from the guy behind you at check out at the supermarket. Example - "I wish I could give poor Sully some mittens, his hands must be getting cold being the team grocery stick."

Tossin Frisbees - Unnecessary dirty sauce. Example - "I was just tossin frisbees on those d to d passes for no reason."

Doorbell: When the franchise player on your team comes in on a tendie and just rips a snapper bar-down and it's so hard the clink off the crossbar sounds like a doorbell. Example - "You see Stevie in the 2nd period, fuckin guys ringin doorbells like he's sellin cookies."
 
Wall-Grinder: A plug who's showering that has his pecker practically glued to the wall so that none of the boys can see his undersized horn. Example - "Hey Smitty this is a shower, not a dance floor you fuckin' wall grinder."

Gas Mileage: Term used when talking about how many daps you get per tin. Example - "Hey Murph, I gotta take it easy I'm gettin bad gas mileage."

Digital Clock: Nice chirp to say to a bendshow who looks like he's stickhandling with two nubs. Example - "Eh 1-5, I've seen better hands on a digital clock."

Freddy Facebook: The kid on the team that doesn't wheel broads but instead just creeps them all on facebook like Freddy Krueger. Example - "Hey Freddy Facebook, ease up off that chick, you haven't even met her."

Johnny Delivery: Refers to the duster on the team who constantly sends the puck up the middle resulting in a turnover. Example - "Hey Sabs you get a part time job at Johnny Delivery? ... Quit sending pizza's up the middle you plug."

Bobbin for Apples: The plug on your team who after a goal is scored goes to the ref and says he got the 3rd assist. Distant cousin of the pine apple. Example - "Hey, was Tommy even involved in that play?" "Nah he's been bobbin for apples all year long"

Press Box: Simply refers to a situation where you find yourself the DD and sober for the night at the bar. You know you're not going have a good time or be part of any of the excitement, but hey we all gotta pay the piper every once in awhile. Example - "Hey Matty, how was Montana's last night" "I dunno I watched it from the press box."

Tuxedo: The plug on the other team that is decked out with top notch gear. Example - "Hey Garrett, nice tuxedo on number ten."

Cough Drop: The plug that keeps coughing up the puck. Example - "Damn, someone needs to get Billy a cough drop, he keeps coughin the puck up the middle."

Tampon: A great beak towards the player on your team or against you that is only good for one period. Example - "Hey twenty-five, put your hands down after your goal, you're like a fuckin tampon. I wouldn't want you on my squad."

I hope you learned a lot and enjoyed these great beaks and chirps. Next week, we will examine a few more terms that can be heard muttered by Labatt Blue Balls, past, present, and future.